10. There are no days off. Ever.
No all-night parties that lead to sleeping in until 11 am. No sick days. No giving the child back to the real parents like you do when babysitting. Sigh.
9. Everything is dangerous. Even Kleenex.
Seriously. My daughter got hold of a box of tissues when we weren’t looking, promptly emptied the almost-brand-new box and ate half of them. Let me tell you, I made my husband change diapers for a week after that. Poor guy never saw it coming. Literally.
8. Every single person likes to offer unwanted advice. Even if you turn into a spazzing maniac, pulling your hair out and repeatedly yell “The voices! Make the voices stop!”
The best ones are the non-parents. Just offer me parenting advice. I’ll bop you in the nose. Hard.
7. There are a LOT of hours in the day.
And your children expect you to be at their beck and call during every single one of them. Even if they are sleeping.
6. Poopy diapers are easier and less gross to clean than a potty chair.
Ew. Just ew.
5. Sleeping like a baby actually refers to parents. The phrase should be “sleeping like a baby’s mom/dad”.
It’s true. Just ask the parents of a baby who has kept it’s parents up for 80 straight hours and they finally get to crash for 30 minutes. Their baby isn’t sleeping like a baby, they are.
4. There are 10,938,495 crumbs/ pieces of fuzz on the carpet at any given time.
And your child will find and eat it. Even if you vacuum 5000 times a day.
3. Everything is ridiculously dirty.
Have you looked at your shower grout recently? Behind the TV? Underneath the dining room table? It’s filthy, dusty and your child will put their hands in it and then insert their hand in their mouth. Yummy.
2. Baby wipes can be used for everything.
Cleaning the car’s dashboard, the kitchen counters, juice stains on the floor, everything. I will never doubt you again, wipes.
1. I have never loved as fully or as fiercely.
These girls are so sweet, so loving, so adorable and I love them to pieces. And then some.