Dear Windows Vista, Adobe Reader, Java and anyone else who will listen:
I loathe your automatic updates. I despise that they run when I am sleeping and unable to stop them. It irks me that you have somehow calculated an algorithm based on my schedule to determine exactly when I am unavailable so that the automatic restart can take over.
I don’t want new power packs, or whatever they are called. It makes me feel like a Pokemon.
I think I’ll manage to live without the 652 IMPORTANT updates and the 9,861 optional ones, which you want me to browse through to decide what I want. Yes, I’d like the service upgrade, but it doesn’t come in pink with white polka dots, so I think I’ll have to pass.
Explain to me why I just installed Windows Vista Service Pack a few days ago and now I’m getting a “new updates are available” notification that there is an important Windows Vista Service Pack 2 that I need to install. Why, Vista, why?
As I typed this rant extremely polite letter, a little orange square with a white coffee cup just popped up to let me know that a Java Update is available. I clicked on it and it made my screen turn black and then proceeded to ask my permission to continue.
Then it said: “Your system currently has an older version of Java and you are receiving this update notification because a Java application is requesting it.”
Are you stalking me, Java? Are you lurking behind the couch as I write, hoping to figure out my WPM? (it’s pretty low, about 49, if you’re curious, creepy Java coffee cup) Why are you corresponding with my computer behind (well, I guess in front of) my back? That is just not right.
As for you, Adobe Reader, I only use you once in a while. Why do I need a new version every single time I want to look at a PDF? Have PDFs changed that much in the two weeks since I last opened one?
The point here, Vista, Adobe and Java, is that I don’t need 500 updates a day for your software/ programs. Let me know once that it is available and I will get to it if/ when I feel like it.
And stopping making me feel like a cartoon character.