An open letter to Windows, Adobe and Java.

Dear Windows Vista, Adobe Reader, Java and anyone else who will listen:

I loathe your automatic updates.  I despise that they run when I am sleeping and unable to stop them.  It irks me that you have somehow calculated an algorithm based on my schedule to determine exactly when I am unavailable so that the automatic restart can take over.

I don’t want new power packs, or whatever they are called.  It makes me feel like a Pokemon.

I think I’ll manage to live without the 652 IMPORTANT updates and the 9,861 optional ones, which you want me to browse through to decide what I want.  Yes, I’d like the service upgrade, but it doesn’t come in pink with white polka dots, so I think I’ll have to pass.

Explain to me why I just installed Windows Vista Service Pack a few days ago and now I’m getting a “new updates are available” notification that there is an important Windows Vista Service Pack 2 that I need to install.  Why, Vista, why?

As I typed this rant extremely polite letter, a little orange square with a white coffee cup just popped up to let me know that a Java Update is available.  I clicked on it and it made my screen turn black and then proceeded to ask my permission to continue.

Then it said: “Your system currently has an older version of Java and you are receiving this update notification because a Java application is requesting it.”

Are you stalking me, Java?  Are you lurking behind the couch as I write, hoping to figure out my WPM?  (it’s pretty low, about 49, if you’re curious, creepy Java coffee cup)  Why are you corresponding with my computer behind (well, I guess in front of) my back?  That is just not right.

As for you, Adobe Reader, I only use you once in a while.  Why do I need a new version every single time I want to look at a PDF?  Have PDFs changed that much in the two weeks since I last opened one?

The point here, Vista, Adobe and Java, is that I don’t need 500 updates a day for your software/ programs.  Let me know once that it is available and I will get to it if/ when I feel like it.

And stopping making me feel like a cartoon character.

Sincerely,
Pikachu
Caroline

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